I am not worthy

By Joe Rector

On December 20, my mother would have celebrated her birthday. She’d have been 104 this year. Another event also falls on this date. On December 20, Amy and I will celebrate 50 years of marriage. I remember when we were first married I thought I wouldn’t live to see the day, and of course, I might not. It’s still a couple of weeks away. I assure you that over the last fifty trips around the sun, things have not always been smooth; neither have they always been terrible.

Amy and I met at a church in Cookeville while I was attending Tennessee Tech University. She was a home girl there, and in the beginning, neither of us particularly cared for the other. It was through the insistence of Reverend Bill Menees that I gave her a call at the beginning of my senior year. Just like always, I was nervous as a cat and sure that she would turn down my request for a date. To my surprise, Amy said that she’d go out with me.

We attended the Tech football game on a Saturday evening, and I took her home afterward. In the few hours I’d been with Amy, I knew that I’d been wrong and that she was a wonderful person. I asked if she’d go to homecoming with me, and after telling me she’d think about it, she quickly answered “Yes.” A goodnight kiss is what sealed the deal for me. In my mind and heart, I knew that I’d found the woman I wanted to marry.

We did just that a year and a half later. I had a teaching job in Knox County, and Amy was going to finish her degree at UT. Like most other newlyweds, we slowly learned how to live with another person. Amy worked part-time to help supplement our income. She also joined the Army Reserves to pull in a bit of cash.

In 1978, we built a small two-bedroom home in Ball Camp. Amy was the one who asked if we could move back there and away from South Knoxville. Both of us worked south, and the construction of better interstate travel for the coming World’s Fair made for interesting travel. When the fair began, we stopped on many occasions to enjoy the sights and to wait for traffic to die down enough to reach home.

I said I wanted no children. My reasoning was I taught teens all day, so I didn’t need any more young people in my life. However, we had a daughter who was born in April 1981 and a son who was born in February 1985. Our lives settled into a normal grind of work, meals of hotdogs and macaroni and cheese, and youth sports. During those years, Amy and I had little time for each other. I take the blame for the rough patch that we experienced because Amy was going all the time, and I was doing little to help. I had a terrible temper and screamed and hollered when I was mad. We escaped that tense situation; it took some time for Amy to trust me again, but thankfully she did.

Over the 50 years, both of us have had surgeries that put us out of commission. My dear wife took wonderful care of me when I was down, and I did the best I could when she was the patient. We’ve had our scares, but with the help of good friends and a loving God, healing has occurred.

Our losses have wounded us severely at times. Our parents have passed, as well as a brother and cousins. Not too long ago, our son passed, and that has made our lives tougher than ever to face.

The woman I married is my hero. Amy has always been a steady force in our family. She wisely took care of financial affairs that steered us to where we are now: a comfortable retirement. My wife has always been a loving, supportive mother who defends her children. At times, she also had to pull out a flip flop and warm up some young behinds. She loves me, even when I don’t really deserve that affection. The older we grow, the more we seem to love each other and appreciate each other’s company.

For some reason, Amy Alice Moore honored and saved me by becoming my wife. Do I deserve her and her love? The answer is “no.” Have I ever understood why such a beautiful woman chose such a toad for a husband? “No” is the answer again. I love her with all of my heart because I know how lucky my life is to have such a wonderful person by my side. I am not worthy of her love, but I will always hold it in my heart and thank God for giving me such a fabulous person with whom to walk life’s path.