What we missed at SEC Media Days

By Mark Nagi

COVID-19 is continuing to have a massive affect on the world of sports.  One of the many victims was the annual SEC Media Days. It was supposed to take place July 13-16 in Atlanta, but the schedule was changed for good reason.

That doesn’t mean that we can’t have some fun with a rundown of what I think would have happened during the four-day gab fest.

Let’s do this in alphabetical order:

Alabama coach Nick Saban would have explained that he had a five-star kicker that he was excited about, which would draw laughter because everyone knows Alabama kickers are mediocre at best. Their kicker issues are proof that God has a sense of humor. Hundreds of Tide fans would be in the lobby hoping for a glimpse of Nick Saban, who would frown at the sight of his adoring supporters.

Arkansas coach Sam Pittman would be charming and make media members chuckle at his goofiness. Then he would say that he expects improvement from his team that everyone knows will be in the SEC Western Division basement in 2020.

Auburn coach Gus Malzahn would walk into the press room setting $100 bills on fire.  When asked why he was doing that, he explains that his contract buyout, which was reportedly over $26 million following the 2019 season and will remain at least eight figures through the 2023 season, gives him the freedom to “live his best life, regardless of how Auburn fares.”

Florida coach Dan Mullen would talk about how he used the quarantine to make Tik Tok dancing videos with his wife.  Somehow this is expected to help recruiting.

Georgia coach Kirby Smart, coming off an eleven-win season, would deal with multiple questions about why the Bulldogs can’t get over the hump and win a national championship. Somewhere, Mark Richt is enjoying a scotch while looking at the ocean and laughing uncontrollably.

Kentucky coach Mark Stoops would say that this year’s Wildcats team might be his best yet.  He’s frustrated when half of the questions he receives are about Kentucky’s basketball program.

LSU coach Ed Orgeron would mumble his way through a press conference with his Cajun drawl, still basking in the glow of last year’s SEC and National Championships.  Somewhere, Southern Cal fans wonder what might have been had they retained his services.  Or had they gotten Joe Burrow to transfer there. Maybe both.

Ole Miss coach Lane Kiffin would tell the media that they’ll be singing “Forward Rebels” all night long after beating Alabama this Fall.

Mississippi State coach Mike Leach would be late for his media appointment after he gets lost on the way to Atlanta.  It seems that an assistant referred to it as “Hotlanta,” which brought both mass confusion and an incorrect GPS entry.

South Carolina coach Will Muschamp would answer numerous questions about being on the hot seat but tells the media he feels great about this year’s Gamecocks squad, all while googling Key West beach houses on his iPhone.

Tennessee coach Jeremy Pruitt would say “aight” a record 66 times during a thirty-minute meeting with reporters. He then pledges to ice every kicker with three consecutive timeouts, as he did at the end of the first half of the 2109 Alabama game.

Texas A&M coach Jimbo Fisher would explain to reporters that with the schedule getting easier this is the Aggies time to shine. He then explains that no, it isn’t weird that a grown man goes by the name “Jimbo.”

Vanderbilt coach Derek Mason would say that the Commodores are not on a downward slide, even though most everyone expects them to be at the bottom of the SEC East.  Unfortunately, there is no Arkansas/Vanderbilt game on the schedule in an effort to showcase SEC excellence.

Yep… I miss SEC Media Days.

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