Predicting the 2024 Tennessee Vols season
By Mark Nagi
Well, folks… we finally made it. This Saturday we get to see the Tennessee Volunteers play some football.
They’ll host Chattanooga (keep those dollars in state) at 12:45 p.m. Temperatures might be the equivalent of sitting in the sun at that time of day, but it’ll be worth it.
Now, you might not have the time to watch all 12 of Tennessee’s football games. You’ve got bills to pay, kids to pick up, dogs to give Cheetos… so with that in mind, I’m going to tell you how each of those 12 games is going to go.
(Note: This is mostly tongue in cheek so please don’t take this too seriously.)
In the opener against Chattanooga, Nico Iamaleava only plays a half but accounts for 5 scores in Tennessee’s 42-0 victory. Vols fans immediately begin a Heisman Trophy campaign.
In Week 2, Tennessee faces N.C. State in Charlotte, because yeah why would you want to play this Power 5 out-of-conference game in a college town when you can play it in an artificial NFL stadium? News breaks before the game when Dave Doeren, who was the Vols head coach for about 8 seconds during the 2017 coaching search following Schiano Sunday, announces that he will now take the Tennessee job. UT AD Danny White answers the phone, asks “Who is this?” and watches UT edge the Wolfpack 31-27.
In Week 3 against Kent State, it’s Family Weekend on The Hill. Parents ask their children how the academic year is going while spending $13 for a Miller Lite. Vols win 45-14.
The following week Tennessee welcomes Oklahoma to the SEC. The game is played in Norman, and 15,000 Vols fans find their way into the road stadium. This is a rematch of the 2015 classic, a double OT win for the Sooners in a game best remembered for then UT head coach Butch Jones kicking a field goal on 4th and goal from the 1-yard line. This time, it’s the Vols kicking a field goal from the 1-yard line… in the final seconds of a 38-35 win. Oklahoma immediately submits an application to join the Pac-2.
Two weeks later Tennessee plays on the road at Arkansas. It’s a chance to reconnect with former Vols assistant coach and Arkansas head coach Sam Pittman, who for some reason brought Bobby Petrino back to coach the Razorback offense. Petrino misses the game when he falls off a moped on the way to the stadium. Dylan Sampson rushes for 2 scores in the Vols 29-17 win.
UT is 5-0 with Florida coming to Knoxville. It’s Checker Neyland, the old stadium is rocking, and the Gators are mediocre at best. This is a perfect recipe for an UF upset, especially since the Vols almost always seem to have their worst performance of the season when playing the Gators.
But James Peace gives us an Al Wilson-type performance with 3 sacks and 2 forced fumbles in a 34-16 victory. Florida fires Billy Napier after the game and re-hires Steve Spurrier.
A week later it’s the Third Saturday in October with Alabama coming to Neyland Stadium. Two years previous the Vols upset the Crimson Tide 52-49 in one of the greatest college football games ever played. This time around the game is just as close, and it’s the Vols smoking victory cigars after a 42-39 win. Following the game, Alabama fires Kalen DeBoer and re-hires Mike Price.
Two weeks later it’s a night game at Neyland Stadium with the Vols hosting Kentucky. Before the game, Wildcats head coach Mike Stoops guarantees a UK win. Tennessee’s crowd is loud and proud throughout a 49-0 Vols victory. After the game, Kentucky fires Mike Stoops and disbands the program.
Tennessee improves to 9-0 with a lackluster 28-17 win over Mississippi State, setting up a meeting of undefeated playoff contenders in Athens. Jauan Jennings caught a Hail Mary in 2016, the last time UT had beaten UGA. This time Squirrel White races 82 yards for what would become the winning score in Tennessee’s 27-21 win.
Wins over UTEP and Vanderbilt end the 2024 regular season as the Vols go 12-0 for the first time since 1998.
Only the SEC title game and playoffs remain.
I’ll leave those results to your imagination.
